New year, new me; a common phrase tossed around between December and January. Always a source of jokes and in the current culture a source of memes. But what does it mean to have a new ‘you’? Furthermore what does it take?
This phrase and new year resolutions never seem to have much weight or respect to them, despite what may be the intention within them. I believe for every person who makes these statements or takes the time to respectively create a resolution there truly is a desire to change. Expert opinions out there say it takes 21 days for something to become habit. For simpler things yes I can agree 21 consistent days is a start. The beginning is always easy. It’s the middle and the end that are hard.
I find that my life, my outlook, and my perspective are constantly changing. A large portion of that stems from a personal desire to continually pursue greatness within myself. A smaller and occasionally larger than life portion of it stems from my interactions with the world. My inherently competitive nature won’t let me be any other way. Most of the time when I fall short I find that I’m always lacking on one of two things:
- Motivation
- Self discipline
Motivation matters not just in that you need to be motivated, but also in that the source of that motivation matters. I can never seem to maintain enough steam if my motivation is based on anything other than being my best self and succeeding at that. The worst motivators ever for me are anger, or comeuppance. I just lack the ability to spurn the depth of bitterness necessary to pull off a revenge associated transformation. Like I’m not that chick that gets sexier after a breakup, at least not from my point of view but maybe to an ex or 3. Or that person that works really hard to rub my success in your face, but honestly that one might be worth the effort. I don’t have what it takes to carry a grudge. Now I do have what it takes to dislike you and never deal with again in life ever.
Self Discipline boils down 100% to choice. Often I choose not to do things that are beneficial to me and my goal. Like weight loss or muscle toning, I am highly likely to choose cake over the gym. Or compromise and have cake on the way to or after the gym. Clearly this goal does not sit with a high level of importance for me.
Outside of that I tend to be stalled in a process by collateral damage. Change is always good growth as a part of that change is even better. When the areas of my life that I desire to change impact others though consideration of them is a necessity.
To date the only circumstance that can almost completely derail me is physical or emotional trauma. In September of 2017, I was rear ended in a car accident resulting in a concussion. As a result of that concussion I suffer from short term memory loss. I struggled everyday trying to remember the simplest of tasks. If I didn’t do or write something down immediately it could be days before I remembered it. Even the things I had done already were subject to be repeated.
For instance I had to make sure to leave the towels in the bathroom after bathing my infant son instead of placing them in the laundry so I wouldn’t bathe him repeatedly. On another occasion I thought my daughter was missing and had the worst fear wrought anxiety attack of my life. I awakened friends, family and was moments from calling the police. I was searching for her frantically only to find her exactly where she was supposed to be at a play for school. I had forgotten even though we discussed it. I never forget where my kids are. I fell into a deep depression and I stopped writing. I was making lists but I couldn’t remember them, sometimes I’d misplace them. My life just seemed to stop moving. I had no choice but to slow down and focus on one day at a time.
Four months later I’m starting to feel more like myself hoping that the neurologist was right and 6 months is the golden number. Now if I make it through with my motivation and self discipline society just may derail me with its overarching focus on instant gratification. I mean honestly all the joy that goes into a job well done is being sucked out of life like cheap Liposuction. Everything is so now, now, now and me,me, me. Selfishness has replaced the real meaning of self care and a bit of the true spirit of making resolutions. But before I go into a full on rant I digress. Can you really have a new year, new you? Absolutely. You can be and do any and everything that you are willing to work for one day at a time. As for me, I’m new by choice, by design, and also by accident……..