1 year ago after 15 years in a well paying stable job, I decided I need a change. My current job had become too stressful and that stress was beginning to bleed over into my life at home. I was often short with my children, my normal blood pressure had shot to abnormal and I was sleeping beyond poorly. I had been traveling a bit recently and enjoying it so I thought maybe a job in the travel industry would be a good fit. I threw a caution to the wind along with a few applications and waited for fate to call my number.
A week later destiny called. I was invited to interview for a regional carrier. I requested the day off work and made plans to attend the group interview and information session. I was devastaringly nervous when I arrived. I had worked for the same company for over a decade. Icould not recall the last time I interviewed for a position. During the info session I learned we would be garaunteed a minimum 70 hours per month. The starting pay rate was 18/hr and the per diem (what they give pay you to cover the cost of meals while travelling) was 1.60/hr. I would be lying if Isaid Iwas not excited. As a mom I already worked part time anyway so 70 hours maybe a bit more at times was going to be perfect! They pay would require me to make some adjustments in my lifestyle but money isn’t everything, right? Either way when they called to offer me the job, I accepted.
I gave my notice like a responsible adult even though deep down my desire was to just dance my way out of the door singing in an elaborate over the top ‘I quit’ number. Then I took along hard look at my financial situation and determined it would be best to pay off some debt before I got too deep in my new adventure. I used some savings to pay off my car, and pay some credit card debt way down. I worked out a plan with my ex husband, packed my bags, kissed my kids and flew off for six weeks of do or die training. We began training in December so that meant we would miss the holidays with our families. This would be the first of many disappointing days for my children.
Training was stressful. Not because it was difficult but because it was designed to be that way. The minimum score on all exams was 80%. You got 2 retakes and after that you were gone. If you failed the final, you were gone. If you were late or missed a day, gone. If they decided you weren’t a good fit, gone. Everyday was a reminder of how close you could be to the door even if you were doing well. We were in average hotel rooms, so the sleep wasn’t the greatest and since we couldn’t cook we ate horribly. Not to mention each time I called home or Skyped my daughter cried asking me to come home. Each of us had a roommate. Thankfully for me, my roommate and I shared a lot of the same quirks. Training fortunately was paid, but not for the actual time spent in class. Instead of the eight hours a day we were paid the 70 garauntee hours. Essentially just under 4 hours per day were paid time.
We started with a class of 50 and graduated 6 weeks later with less than 20. Within the first year half of that remainder were either fired or quit. I dedicated myself to stick it out for at least a year. I wanted to give the job a chance before I ran back to anything familiar. I also wanted the company to pay for half of my almost $700 in uniform costs, which requires a year of service. I spent the majority of my first year on reserve, which is industry speak for on call. I was on reserve 20 days a month/24 hours a day. Of that time I was paid for you guessed it, 70 hours. Not bad but while on reserve you have to adhere to all work related standards regarding alcohol etc, and stay within a certain distance of the base. You also have to return all calls within 5 minutes or you can consider it a wrap for a no show.
Once I finally got a real schedule I hated the 70 hours. It was the minimum number of hours you could bid for and 70 flying hours is a hell of a lot different than 70 hours at a regular job. Flight attendants are paid from the time the door closes until it opens again. Working for a regional carrier most flights are under 4 hours so to reach 70 hours means kissing your own life goodbye. Every airline is different but for us, if the flights cancel we were paid nothing. If we show up and it’s delayed for several hours oh well. If we board the plane but never leave the gate/close the door, all that work was on a volunteer basis.
The first year I missed out on sleep and developed an anxiety associated with the sound of my phone ringing and my inaccurate pay check. I spend hours calculating what I actually flew and what I was paid so when necessary I can request the back pay. I eventually used my thinking cap and gave my job a distinctive ring tone and chided myself for waiting so long. I chose a happy sounding tune hoping it would inspire me to smile instead of curse and wonder was there no one else they could call? I soon after discovered my Co workers were much more honest with their ringtones and had chosen sinister movie scores, and laughable angry phrases. More than the anxiety and sleep deprivation, I began to develop an overall misery around missing my kids.
I missed birthdays one of which was a milestone sweet 16. I missed plays, concerts, soccer games, basketball games, football games volunteering at the school, hugs, kisses, tears, triumphs and failures. I was missing as a mom. If my kids could have they probably would have reported it and hung flyers searching for me but instead my older children said they understood and my youngest cried.
She cried and still cries everytime I leave. It doesn’t matter whether I’m gone 2 days, 5 days, or I’ve been home for 7. Each time she cries, I cry inside. I knew the moment I dropped one real tear my desire to be responsible for the job I accepted would dissolve. The company, the passengers all pale in comparison to the importance of my little girl. I reminded myself each time, and on occasion my daughter that I had to go so we wouldn’t have to live in the car.
I know what you’re thinking why didn’t you just find another job? Well a few reasons, I wanted to use my benefits at least once to go somewhere with my kids. Second, I wanted to develop my small business idea so I could drop working for people for whom I had a serious lack of respect. Plus I didn’t want to jump from the frying pan into the fire. All in all I hoped that with time she would adjust in a positive way. I set out to further develop my writing and create my business plan which I pray will come to fruition within the next year. In the meantime I am done wiping my babies tears, while apologizing for my absence, and crying inside.
