As I sit in the midst of the silence,
despising the lack of sound from my cell phone with nothing to notify me
I wonder did I compromise my sanity
in-order to try a new thing
went out on a limb,
got expressive with my pen and have no idea what to expect
even though I expect what I think will be anything other than a yes
I can’t help but be depressed at the possibility that my repressed emotions,
came out at the wrong moment and I got to learn to just hold it
but then again I keep telling myself stop living life
insanely
you got to try some new things
but does that mean I have the right to invade your personal space
with my overwhelming expectations
this dreaded anticipation of nothing, of everything, of anything
I just hope you’ll say something so we can go back to being friends and
put this whole thing behind us or if you prefer in front of us
which I kinda doubt, but
I can’t speak for you
so true that I just kinda dumped it in your lap, all this crap
and hope that you don’t wish to dust away the trail we have already blazed
the fuck!
uuuuuuuugh why can’t I just keep my mouth shut
friends are so rare but I just had to take it there and be honest about my feelings
stupid! stupid! stupid!
I am a motha fucking genius!
nothing short of the realization of the monstrous possibility that I have lost a friend
over excessive fucking honesty!
now I am trapped in this bitch-ass silence
wondering why I went off the deep end with my damn pen
is this a fucking trend that in order to achieve peace of mind and leave no stone unturned
in my existence and no maybe floating in the distance, I may essentially risk the precious
companionship of friendship
and die alone and barren in my own attempt to try some new shit!!!
what the fuck am I tripping for, perhaps impatiently pontificating
I mean it hasn’t even been a long enough period of time to start fucking arguing with myself
and wtf if the problem is you
maybe you aren’t the motha fucka I thought, no wait you are and consistently have been
I am fucking trippin’ for no apparent reason
my insecurities need to be sleepin’
misinterpreted the nature of years’ worth of friends I accepted
and you so unexpected
guess it’s the overall fear of rejection that
has my heart palpating
mind racing, wondering what exactly you’re contemplating
in silence I’m waiting
debating if I should never mind it
and put behind these thoughts and toss
it in my life’s recycle bin
but then again there is always
the safety of maybe
This Featured Poem is part of a collection of poetry available in my first published book.Love this poem? Want some more Subscribe to my mailing list for updates on posts.
