For as long as I’ve been alive, and I’m certain centuries before, society has been invested in defining women for women. Naturally that means for a long stretch of time we have not been defining ourselves. Based on the standards its amazing women thrive at all. Societal standards seem to be where the compli-sult (compliment and an insult) was born. Now in the age of mass media everything and everyone is telling you who you are and how to be.
Based on what I see online and other media spaces I’m all and/or more not listed here, of the following
- Too fat
- Too skinny
- Too muscular
- Skin
- Too flabby
- Too dark
- Too blotchy
- Too freckled
- Too porous
- Too shiny
- Too light
- Hair
- too short
- too long
- too straight
- Too curly
- Too grey
- Too much weave
- Not enough weave
- Sexually
- A whore
- A prude
Because clearly there is no inbetween…..
- Butt
- too big
- not big enough
- Too saggy
- Too muscular
- Intelligence
- Too smart
- Too mouthy
- Not smart enough
- Too opinionated
So forth and so on. Honestly even though this list was admittedly too long for this blog, it does not come close to listing all the mixed messages out here for women and girls trying to just be their fabulous selves.
Society pretends to cheer for you like yasssss go be/do you! The compliment first, but don’t do it in that manner, or those heels, with that hair or that body. Followed by the subtle or not so subtle insult. Our celebration of women is still limited to how we ‘want’ them to be.
Let’s talk about hair as an example. I’m a black woman natural hair and styles came blasting back into the scene over the last decade. Which in and of itself is wonderful and healthier. But then there is the underside of that. Most images you see promoting natural styles generally include women with certain hair types and skin tones. Follow that up with employment related backlash ie the risk of unemployment over wearing your hair how it grows. White folks can wash and go why can’t we? There you have the classic societal compli-sult which can range from mild to in this case aggressive.
As a woman I am tired of being told to be myself or love who I am as long as I do it within society’s terms and standards. Love your sexuality, just don’t be a whore. Love the skin you’re in, as long as its flawless. It is the reason we are out here dying for perfection. From surgeries with fake parts to enhance our real ones, to enhanced clothing items (push up bras and butt pads). Hell no wonder we think we are crazy! Navigating life is hard enough without a million mixed messages. The bible said we are fearfully and wonderfully made, period. there is not but, or an if or any deviation from that statement. You and I are wonderfully made.
I am not defined by what I do or what I have done. My mistakes, failures and triumphs don’t define me though they may sharpen my character. Where my vagina has or hasn’t been which honestly should be a conversation reserved me, my doctor, and my lover has no relevance to the nature of who i am as a woman. Rahaab, whose name found its way into the lineage of Jesus, was a prostitute so who says me and my vagina can’t bring forth greatness if we fall outside of societal standards? How long are we going to allow the wrong things to ‘define’ how we see ourselves and who we are and strive to be? Well society might see me as a chubby, black whore, with wth is going on up there hair and a mouth that consistently leads to something and what that something is constantly varies. Some days I will be the queen of sweatpants, and other days I will be runway fierce. Today I am leggins and uncombed hair, and I am loving it because I feel perfect in all my imperfections. Now let’s go live OUR best lives, no ifs, ands, or buts, and Just BE!
#JUSTBE 
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